..instead of giving out parsimonious advice.
I have a 16 year old boy who has been addicted to methamphetamine for almost a year (I just found out). He has quit but with zero grades and no motivation (it takes years to get over the drug apparently). So last week he decides to join friends and on the school grounds and smoke weed (not him, them). The teachers catch them and he threatens one of them. The on-campus police search him and find a four-inch lock knife (possession is a felony offense onschool grounds). He is arrested and now has a record which will probably mean him losing his visa and returning to the UK.
The school will probably expel him anyway - zero grades, threatening behaviour previously (gym teacher - told her to fuck off) and possession of weapon.
I have a 16 year old boy who has been addicted to methamphetamine for almost a year (I just found out). He has quit but with zero grades and no motivation (it takes years to get over the drug apparently). So last week he decides to join friends and on the school grounds and smoke weed (not him, them). The teachers catch them and he threatens one of them. The on-campus police search him and find a four-inch lock knife (possession is a felony offense onschool grounds). He is arrested and now has a record which will probably mean him losing his visa and returning to the UK.
The school will probably expel him anyway - zero grades, threatening behaviour previously (gym teacher - told her to fuck off) and possession of weapon.
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Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Mon, February 7, 2005 - 12:32 PMteen anger
is such a
powerful thing
i was sent to
a private
high school
for 'losers'
heh
i did much better
in that situation
unfortunately
money is always
a factor
sigh -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Mon, February 7, 2005 - 1:59 PMmakes my problems seem simple in comparison...i don't know what i'll do when the drug thing comes up.
and the sex thing, and the republican thing (shudder).... -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Mon, February 7, 2005 - 4:41 PMFunny.....
I thought telling it might make me feel better......
I withdraw -
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Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Mon, February 7, 2005 - 8:18 PMaw sugar
don't withdraw
i was into drugs
as a kidlet
myself
its the angst
crap
i think letting
the kid know you
are not the enemy
and talking might
help
i'm just not an expert
sigh
i think its awesome
that he and you
have been talking
as it is
really -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Mon, February 7, 2005 - 10:57 PMi think it's my fault, beebalalou, i made light when i shouldn't'uh. wolfbang's going through hell and fact is, i didn't know what to say, i wish i could help but i can't. please come back wolfie. there's much nicer people here than me. -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Tue, February 8, 2005 - 6:09 AMOK, sorry - it is just difficult to joke about. We all did drugs as kids, but I never got into injecting like he has. We will be OK I guess. -
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Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Tue, February 8, 2005 - 7:29 AMHey mr. Wolf... I did the same things your son is doing, minus the visa stuff... I was expelled from Berkeley public schools and put into rehab. I was 14 when all the shit hit the fan and then something turned around. I started school at an amazing private school that was funded by the Berkeley Unifief School District, since they had failed me. Sometimes kids go fucking crazy! Sometimes those problem stories you hear about end up being your kid's stories. Do you have resourses? Has he been in any treatment or counseling? What about a group home for a while? Is all of this really complicated by the fact that he has a Visa? You will be OK... Life has to ru it's course. Just knw that you as his parent are not alone. There are tons of families going throught this right now with you. I think the rest of us here have chidren under 10, but I understand your pain and frustation and the things I can't understand I totally empathize with. Where are you located? Do you want me to look into an Alternative Private school in your area that could possible be paid for by the district? It wouldn't be a problem... -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Tue, February 8, 2005 - 8:52 AMThank you Dani - your support and kindness.....I cannot tell you how important they are. I live in Pleasant hill (which is neither pleasant nor hilly). He has been clean now for 6 weeks - I check his piss periodically. Yes everything is complicated by the visa - including getting school paid for.
I want to thank you again for your words of support. -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Tue, February 8, 2005 - 9:36 AMMy high school was in Orinda... If you want check out the web site... They can get it payed for if the Visa stuff works out... www.ccas-holden.org/ Lets talk more... You can get through this, and there are many resourses. -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Tue, February 8, 2005 - 12:03 PMthanks Dani - I looked into that school last year but the money involved was 14K. I didn't and still don't have that. I will revist the issue though and see if Mt Diablo school district will pay for that -
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Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Wed, February 9, 2005 - 9:16 PMOk, I don't envy your situation Wolfband, not one bit.
I too was the wild child starting at about age 12. Fortunately I was presented with opportunity to live with some really cool people who went out in life and did really fun stuff and went to these meetings (I had no clue about AA and NA or rehab at the time) and they never did drugs or alcohol to have a good time.......it blew my mind. They inspired me at the right time and the right place.
I digress.
What I want to ask is what is it you want to do? What have you tried and what does your son want?
My own inner psychologist is curious to see if one of us here may have even more resources to help you out with than we know.
Tash -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Wed, February 9, 2005 - 10:10 PMhello natasha - you name it we have tried it if the money was there. He has seen counsellors (waste of time), he has done NA (huge waste of time). He has quit but he was injecting meth for quite a while and we live with the withdrawal everyday. We have a meeting with the police tomorrow re the felony charge and the schoold will almost certainly expel him on friday.
I will check into the school Dani suggested.
What does Jake want? Fuck knows, I know he doesnt know. He wants an easy life with no hassle, work, responsibilities or guilt (sound familiar?). He resigns himself to finishing school but you know what ? Its just words and I have heard it all before. At least I am piss checking him every week now. But I am afraid for him. He has so much life left to live and I am so fucking tired.
Ladies please excuse the language - it is just easier to express this way.
What do I want? Does it matter? I just want him to be happy - but with a future as opposed to without one -
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Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Thu, February 10, 2005 - 6:18 AMYou are doing everything right! I hope you know that. We are not in control of our children, we can only hope that they listen to us and absorb some of what we say and follow us in a good/ healthy way of life. BTW maybe I'm being ultra pushy, but CCAS is a super laid back day. 10-2:30 Long lunch chilled out classes. The kid's have to ceck in and do a mini therapy session 1x a week and then they have to have a weekly group check in with a group of 5-7 people and then they have to have a weekly whole school check in every Wed. This place sounds like it could help alot. Is he kind of Thugish? Is he out going or introverted? -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Fri, February 11, 2005 - 6:18 PMhe is introverted - as a function of his drugs I guess. He has threatened teachers, they say, but I have never seen threatening behaviour from him. So I would say that he is not thugish.
Thanks all for your kind support - he was expelled this morning -
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Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Fri, February 11, 2005 - 9:20 PMWell, it sounds like you've followed a lot of guidance there Wolfbang, and you've done many, many different things to do the best for him.
Swear your heart out my dear! Let it all out! As frustrating as it can be, no one here is going to berade you for it.
So, Jake is introverted, he's a recovering meth addict and wants the world to just "happen" without him having any responsibility or having to lift a finger.........that's very typical of both that sort of personality and that sort of drug use. Sounds like he hasn't hit his proverbial bottom yet. No offense, nothing personal to you at all. It's that I've been there so many times with kids I've helped as well as inmates I've worked with.
Now you have a new issue on your hands. He's not in school, and there is potential for no supervision during the day time I'm guessing?? Hmmm. After looking into the school Dani suggested, what are your plans?
I know I feel your love, frustration and all the other feelings thoughts and emotions a parent goes through watching thier child go through something like this. I'll look up a few more resources for public funded programs. I know of a drug counselor in Half Moon Bay who runs a program over in Oakland and well, he may have some ideas too.
Blessings to you and your son Jake. Be strong Dad. -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Sun, February 13, 2005 - 6:08 PMThis may all be academic - I will tell you all what is going on when I have more time -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Mon, February 14, 2005 - 10:17 AMhi all
So Jake comes in late while I am away on business. My wife locks him out becuase he is so late and needs to learn consequence. He flips and yells, then girlfriends father takes him in for the night. Morning - he goes walkabout. Phones twice relatively calm but my wife doesnt get to the phone each time. I arrive back from trip and call girlfriends - he is there. He sears alot and hangs up. I go over there. He stomps to car and I ask if we can talk - he tells me to fuck off. We get home, my wife asks if we can talk - he starts to squeal like a pig and breaks chairs and ornaments in the front room. She screams for me, frightened because he is threatening and saying he will kill himself and scaring her - I run through the house and push him away from her into the garage. He turns and starts attacking me in complete darkenss. I take him down and he screams that he will kill me with a knife. Wife calls police (daughter is screaming she is 6). I manage to turn on the light and I have my knee across his neck - he continues to try and kick me from the ground. He calsm with the light on and I let him up. "dont fuckin touch me". I follow him to his room so that he does not hurt my wife or daughter. Police come - he has a cut on his ear - probably my watch strap - the take him away to emergency psych. He is there now. Until Tuesday provided he behaves. Wife went down last night - she says it is like 'one flew over the cuckoos nest' and is very upset that we put him there. I dont know what to do now. He has no school, has to do community service still, anger management - I am not sure I can have him home if he will hurt us. Jesus - what a fucking mess.
I found a load of meth, syringes and a tie-off in a lock box in his room but I know he has been clean because I tested him. I have thrown it all out and have not told the police it was there. I have told them about the addiction though.
Anyway - there you have it -episode three of the wolfbang saga
thanks all
love tired dog -
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Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Mon, February 14, 2005 - 4:13 PMOh darling.
I'll say one thing. NOT telling the police might not be the right thing to do.
Emergency psych is going to observe him. He is scared, you all are scared but this could be his personal bottom coming to a climax.
Locking him out to "learn a lesson"??? Not advisable either. Our own frustrations, especially when we have our kids in situations like this, are bound to get us eventually and we react spitefully. Locking him out sound like it amplified the situation and something else would have been more prudent of an action.
What I'm reading here is he did come home, he did call, he did go somewhere safe (I'm assumng), he did come to the car when you got there (even if he was pissy and swearing) and he's screaming anything that gets your emotions up and running and you just can't let that get to you because he gets the attention and the upper hand.
So it sounds like he has the good kid in there still, between the counseling, the lock up and him scaring the crap out of himself and everyone around him, you do have a chance with him. Not that I'm there in your shoes to get all the details, but I'm going on what I feel and know from my own dealings with this type of thing with teens.
Leave him there for a while, as long as your medical will help pay for.
I'd hate to have been rejected after something like this when I was going through all of the same types of things with my own parents. They never gave up, but they never covered up for me either. Had I been booted out or locked out, that would have confirmed my own belief that the world hates me etc, etc. I payed my dues though. When it came time for lockdown, Mom had to let it happen and hope I learned.
My heart goes out to you, as always.
just my two cents -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Mon, February 14, 2005 - 9:36 PMa note about psych wards:
a friend of mine was committed to one once, and yes, they are scary. there are a lot of crazy people in them - literally. and the staff is hardcore. but the chances of a 'cuckoo's nest' thing happening are slim at most. it's just a scary place. but it's a safe place too.
no one wants to see their loved ones in a situation like that, but there are likely to be at least a few people there who will really want to help your son, and who actually have the knowledge and training to know how to do it. and it may just scare him enough to get him motivated to make some changes.
you have this info already, wolfbang, but for others out there, a friend of mine researched and wrote a book about drug use among teenagers (meredith maran, "dirty," harper san francisco, 2003) and she has a website with resources for parents too: www.meredithmaran.com; click on resources; click on resources for parents.
hang in there, tired dog. -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Mon, February 14, 2005 - 10:13 PMthanks honeys
Rowing with my wife now.
I'll keep you all posted -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Thu, February 17, 2005 - 6:58 AMhe is home - doing rehab. I am going to take him out of that though because he needs anger management not rehab. He got meds - I had to remind him to take it last night (I can see that is going to be a problem). Still no sign of school - expulsion letter said out of district so.......thats fucked anyway. 51-50 did nothing. His biodad is not interested in having him home so thats fucked too. Wish I had a ton of money so I could send him away - we all need a break from him right now -
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Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Thu, February 17, 2005 - 3:58 PMOh, yes, I'm sure you do need a break.
It's not going to be easy, especial since none of us has bottomless pockets.
Give it time. Rehab, another round of 5150 lockdown, enough scare tactics to drive a kid bonkers, maybe, maybe not.
I know one thing, he does need love still, he still needs help being safe and getting his meds down etc. He also needs some kind of inspiration to see that it is possible to be cool, feel cool, feel good and do the things he likes without the drugs, now how he finds that, none of us can dictate, but the exposure will help.
Have you contacted Walden House or similar live-in programs where he has to work while attending the meetings, seeing the counselors/social workers etc? -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Thu, February 17, 2005 - 10:12 PMthanks for all your support ladies - you are all true goddesses. I should start a tribe "tribe goddesses" prolly someone already has...
Anyway - I will fill y'all in on the next installment tamarra -
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Unsu...
Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Fri, February 18, 2005 - 12:09 PMhe is home and showing signs of no improvement. He is in plan B rehab at Kaiser. He is on seroqual and we have expulsion hearing next week. He goes to Diablo day next tuesday too for individual study.
We continue
Anyway, thanks for all your help. I tried to use this as a catharsis as well as cry for help and I want to thank you all for your input.
Please feel free to PM me.
xx
W -
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Re: I feel I should also tell you about mine...
Sun, February 20, 2005 - 6:49 PMYou just vent ALL YOU NEED!
I'm waiting to hear back from my friend on some other tough measures you can take that are virtually cost free to you and his mum :)
Don't give up honey, and be good to each other along the way. I'm sure you, your wife and your daughter all could use some little special moments where ever you can take them. A nice lock yourself in the bathroom for a good steamy shower or bath, or a book for some distraction just before bed. Just take care of you too!
xoxo
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